Wedding toasts and tips for the tongue-tied.
Wedding toasts can run the gamut. All the way from the silver tongued orator turned toaster, down to Dead Man Talking, I’m sure we’ve all seen examples of the good, the bad, and the ugly. Whether you’re looking forward to giving your toast like a kid waiting for his first day of school, or whether you shake in fear at the prospect of giving wedding toasts, there are a few basic rules all toasts should follow to guarantee some level of success.
Although there are no set rules as to which toasts will be given at anyone’s wedding, in general, here is a list of the traditional toasts given at most weddings:Father of the brideFather of the groomBest manMaid of honorWedding partyBlessing before mealCouple’s toast
Whichever role you will be playing at the wedding, there are a few key rules that most great toasters follow. If you follow these simple rules, you’ll be sure to come up with something the couple will love and will not leave you cringing as you watch it played back on the video tape one day!
Know your audience.This is the most basic of all of our tips, but it bears repeating since so many people forget! The audience at a wedding is traditionally made up of family (both young and old) and friends. Depending on the couple getting married, this can range to a VERY wide range of people. This is not your sorority social where everyone is almost the same age and has the same sense of decorum. This is a setting where a 90-year old grandmother needs to understand the jokes just as much as the sulky fifteen year old cousin who couldn’t be bothered to wear a tie to the event! So, as you prepare your toast, do your best to REMEMBER WHO YOU”RE TALKING TO. I cannot emphasize this point enough!
Avoid controversial subject matter.This is another obvious point that so many toasts seem to miss. As a general rule, NEVER talk about the past relationships (or exploits) of the couple getting married. Rarely does it elicit a warm response, and almost always does it generate feelings of discomfort with the wedding guests and wedding couple. Also, now would NOT be a good time to talk about what happened on the bachelor/bachelorette weekend in Vegas. What happened there doesn’t have to always stay there, but it should not make it HERE!
Don’t apologize.Remember that as you’re giving your toast, no one knows what you’re about to say. Which means, you should NEVER apologize for saying something you didn’t plan to say, because that alerts the audience to the mistake that you just made. A mistake no one would have noticed if you hadn’t drawn their attention to it. If you stumble over your words, or say the wrong word on accident, just carry on. Don’t dwell on it or apologize to your audience. This will only make your audience uncomfortable.
Try not to stand and read.I know you’re going to feel a lot of pressure while you’re giving your toast. The adrenaline will be flowing and many of the most important people in your life will be present. All of these variables will push you toward wanting to write down every word you want to say in your toast, but I’m here to tell you to avoid that temptation. Toasts always feel like they’re from the heart, when you stand and deliver, rather than just hiding your face behind a sheet of paper and reading it. Your audience can read a speech from the comfort of their email, dressed in their pajamas, sitting in front of the TV. That’s not what some of them traveled thousands of miles to see! Give them the show they deserve. Stand and deliver! Memorize your words. Improvise. And make your audience feel relaxed by the relaxed delivery of your toast.
Keep your focus on the couple getting married. Not yourself.Many toasters have a tendency to take the limelight of the moment and shine it right there upon themselves. The wedding toast is – above all else – a chance to shine a light on the people who have made the event possible. Whether it’s the couple toasting the parents, or the best man toasting the couple. In every case, the wedding toast needs to focus on someone – anyone – other than the person giving the toast. Avoid obscure references that only a couple people in the room will “get.” Focusing on the couple getting married gives everyone in the room a single frame of reference, which will put everyone at ease and in a good mood for your wonderful wedding toast!
Wedding toasts should stir emotion.Great wedding toasts are ones that leave some kind of impression on the guests. Years after some wedding I’ve attended, I still recall the stirring toasts given by a proud father or an emotional maid of honor. Be that person! Know that to be memorable, you need to stir some kind of emotion in your audience. In my observations, the two most appropriate emotions to stir during a wedding toast are laughter or tears. As you embark on your wedding toast magic, keep in mind that you will never find an audience more primed for either or both. They are there to be stirred. Emotions are at a fevered pitch, so give them what they cam for by working on stirring some kind of emotion by talking from the heart.
Keep them wanting more.One of the biggest mistakes made on wedding toasts is when they go too long. So many wedding toasts would have been great, if they were just reduced by 10%! So what should the optimal length be? When it comes to how long your toast should be, you need to write what you think is the optimal length for your toast and then subtract 10%. Then, rewrite another draft and subtract another 10%. THAT is your optimal length. It’s optimal because it’s just short of what you think it should be, which is the same thing your audience will feel. All of which leads to this feeling of: Boy! I wish he would have said just a little more. Believe me. That’s a LOT better than: I wish he would have shut up ten minutes sooner!
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